Grieving the loss of a child is an unimaginable pain, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing. However, offering advice that acknowledges the depth of grief, while providing gentle guidance, can be comforting. Here are some pieces of advice collaborated from our grieving mothers:
Allow Yourself to Grieve Fully and Without Judgment
Grief is personal, and it’s important to allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling—whether it’s sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, or numbness. There is no “right” way to grieve, and it’s okay to not have all the answers. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it’s essential to honour your emotions and give yourself permission to grieve at your own pace.
Take One Day at a Time
The grief of losing a child can feel overwhelming, and at times it may feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Take life one day at a time, and if that feels too much, even one moment at a time. Focus on small steps, like getting through the next hour or making it to the next breath. Be kind to yourself and don’t expect to feel “better” right away.
Seek Support from Others Who Understand
Whether it’s through family, friends, or a support group, don’t isolate yourself. Finding others who understand your grief, particularly those who have experienced a similar loss, can be incredibly comforting. A support group for grieving parents, can provide a space where you’re not alone in your pain. It’s okay to lean on others and allow them to help you through this difficult time. Connecting Mothers in Grief was established to support you on this difficult journey.
Allow Yourself to Remember and Celebrate Your Child
While it may be painful, remembering your child can be an important part of healing. Find ways to honour their memory, whether that’s through creating a memorial, planting a tree in their name, or keeping their belongings close. Celebrating your child’s life, no matter how brief, is an important way to keep their spirit alive in your heart and to continue your connection.
Don’t Rush Your Healing
Healing is not linear. Some days may feel like progress, while others may bring intense waves of sadness and grief. It’s important to understand that healing takes time, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Don’t rush yourself to “move on” or “get over it.” Grief is a lifelong process, and the pain will likely change over time but never completely disappear. Allow yourself to heal in your own way and in your own time.
Take Care of Your Physical Health
Grief can be physically exhausting, and it’s easy to neglect self-care during such a difficult time. Make sure to rest when you can, eat nourishing foods, and drink plenty of water. It’s also important to try to get outside for fresh air, even if it’s just for a short walk. Physical activity, even in small doses, can help release some of the tension that builds up during intense emotional pain.
It’s Okay to Ask for Help
Don’t hesitate to reach out for help, whether it’s with day-to-day tasks, childcare, or just needing someone to talk to. Many mothers feel guilty about asking for help during grief, but you don’t have to carry everything alone. Let others be there for you, just as they would for a friend in need. Whether it’s a counsellor, therapist, or loved one, having someone to listen or guide you can be very healing.
Honor Your Unique Grief Journey
Grief is as unique as your relationship with your child. What helps one person might not help another. Don’t compare your grief to others’ experiences or expect your emotions to fit into a specific timeline. Some mothers may find comfort in spiritual practices, others in creative expression, and some may prefer silence and solitude. Trust your instincts and allow yourself to process grief in the way that feels right for you.
Don’t Ignore the Pain, But Give Yourself Permission to Laugh and Feel Joy Again
It’s okay to feel moments of happiness or joy, even after such a profound loss. Many grieving mothers feel guilt when they experience moments of laughter or peace, thinking it means they’ve forgotten their child. But healing often involves integrating the pain with moments of joy. You can grieve deeply and still find light in the world. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions without guilt or shame.
Consider Professional Support, If Needed
Grief can feel overwhelming and, at times, may spiral into depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges. If you’re struggling to cope, it may help to speak with a therapist who specializes in grief or trauma. They are trained to offer tools and coping strategies to help you navigate this complex emotional journey.
Create a Ritual or Practice to Stay Connected to Your Child
Many grieving mothers find comfort in creating a ritual or spiritual practice to stay connected to their child. This could include lighting a candle in their memory, writing letters to them, visiting their resting place, or keeping something meaningful close to you, like a piece of jewellery or a photo. Creating these rituals can provide a sense of ongoing connection and love.
Remember: You Are Not Alone
While your journey is uniquely yours, know that there are others who understand the weight of what you’re going through. Connecting with others who’ve lost children, whether through support groups, online communities, or through close friends, can help you realise that grief doesn’t have to be a solitary experience. You are surrounded by a community that can help you carry the burden.
Losing a child is a pain that no mother should ever have to experience, and healing from such a loss takes time, patience, and immense strength. The advice above isn’t meant to “fix” your grief but to help you find ways to move through it, honour your child’s memory.Take small steps toward healing. Remember, grief is not something that can be “fixed”—it’s something that you learn to live with, and with time, you may find that you’re able to live in a way that honours both the love you have for your child and the life you still have to live.
